Pocket Lint

     There was a man that hated pocket lint. He despised it so much he even thought about cutting the pockets out of everything he owned. He figured that pockets were much too useful to be gotten rid of though so instead he ruthlessly dug the lint out of the corners of his pockets every time he put something on.

      Eventually his compulsion became dull and he forgot about his hatred for pocket lint until he put his hand in his pocket. Then he would always dig at the corners of his pockets and toss the lint aside.    

     Further still he eventually forgot about pocket lint altogether until someone was rude to him or just made him angry and then he would remember and flick pocket lint on them. This seemed to always go unnoticed.

      He would always drop pocket lint in places he hated. Sometimes from poor service and sometimes from people just being rude but still the result was always the same. He emptied his pockets of all lint right there.

      No one ever noticed him do it and the lint was forgotten until one day he got so angry he nearly ripped his pockets out getting the lint out of them. He threw the lint down and stormed out of the establishment. Then all of a sudden the place exploded.

      He was shocked but then he noticed small explosions all over town at places he had been. Smoke filled the air and people ran frantically. There were rumors of terrorists and people panicked but the people in the store he was just in knew exactly what had happened. They couldn't believe it though. No one had ever seen pocket lint explode.

      Only then did people respect him but they had no reason to fear. The government took his pockets away and he didn't shed a tear.

Mr. Mustard and the Condiment Twins

     "Wow this is gonna be a strange one." Tim thinks to himself before writing. "Well here it goes."

     Mr. Mustard was a kind man. He grew up in a small subdivision in the town of Pickle Relish.
Later in life he bought a ranch in Catalina. This is where our story begins.
     Life on the ranch was good for Mr Mustard but he was beginning to become bored with it. His mind often wandered back to the fun he used to have as a kid back in Pickle Relish. He remembered the fun times he used to have with his neighbor Tom the tomato. 
     After reminiscing about the old days Mr. Mustard decided to take a vacation to the thousand islands. He bought a ticket for a Royal Carrot Bean cruise headed there. Once he got to the chip he could hardly wait to get on board. He stumbled up the walk and onto the deck as he raced to behold the sights as if it were going to disappear in mere moments.
     Once the initial shock wore off he made his way to his room and settled in for a few moments before going back to the main deck. He decided to hang out by the pool for a little while and relax a bit but as he found a good spot he noticed a big guy wearing a white cap that looked like he had been in the sun for way to long. As he sat down the white capped red man spoke to him in a rather surprised tone.
     "Mr. Mustard?" said the red man.
     "Yes?" replied Mr. Mustard puzzled.
     "I knew it was you old pal! How have you been?"
     "Tom?" Mr. Mustard replied in a still confused tone.
     "Yeah it's me your old buddy Tom!"
     "Wow Tom you sure have changed a lot since we last met. What's the story?"
     "Well I fell in love with this beautiful chef and she made a mighty fine sauce out of me.We've been married for about 5 years now. How about yourself?"
     "Life in Catalina is pretty good but I got bored on my ranch so I figured I'd set out on an adventure. The Thousand Islands sounded like a mighty fine place to visit so here I am."
     The two talked for most of the rest of the day until they heard an announcement about the night's entertainment in the lettuce lounge. They decided to go and see what it was all about.
     Once they entered the lounge they found the perfect spot. Mr. Mustard ordered some drinks to enjoy during the show while Tom waited at the table. After Mr. Mustard returned and settled in at the table the show began.
     "Ladies and gentleman for your viewing pleasure we are proud to present the Condiment Twins!"
     Out they walk onto the stage and they introduce themselves.
     "Hello folks I'm salt"
     "And I'm pepper"
     "Together we're the Condiment twins!" They both say.
     "We have a great show for you today." Salt begins, "Prepare to be amazed."
     Mr Mustard and Tom watched the show intently and they were amazed at Salt's ability to make things shrink and then make it normal again just by pouring water over it. Pepper had this crazy ability to make anyone sneeze. He challenged everyone to try not to sneeze. All that accepted the challenge failed.
     After the show the two parted ways for the night and Mr Mustard went back to his room to sleep. The next day he and Tom met again and did everything they could cram into the next day. They went swimming in one of the pools, watched a few shows that were offered, and before they knew it the day was over.
     Once they arrived at at the thousand islands Mr. Mustard couldn't believe his eyes. The scenery was beautiful. He and Tom spent the day seeing the sights and admiring the scenery.
     It was time to head back to the chip so they set off toward it. Along the way they ran into the condiment twins. Mr Mustard and talked about how much he loved the show. The twins appreciated their kind words.
     As soon as the chip came into view Mr. Mustard and Tom froze in fear as they noticed a huge snail  blocking the gang plank. The twins sprang into action as Salt made the snail shrink while Pepper made everyone sneeze blowing the snail away. Everyone cheered and began boarding the chip.
     There wasn't much more excitement in Mr. Mustard's journey back home but he enjoyed it all the same. Once back at the port he and Tom said their goodbyes and parted ways. He would never forget this fantastic journey. Tom, the Condiment Twins, and the chip, it was all exciting to him. Whenever he got bored back at his ranch he thought about these things. He even thought he might take another journey someday but for now he had work to do.

The Kingdom of Truffles

     There once was a king who loved truffles. he loved them so much he devoted much of his kingdoms resources to finding them. He even had a farm completely devoted to training pigs to find them. You could say that he was a little too devoted to his truffles for his kingdom grew tired of the mandatory truffle hunt three days a week.
     One day the king heard a rumor about a magical tree underneath which grew the most amazing truffles one could ever taste. Not only that but there were hundreds of thousands of them. If he could find this legendary tree he'd never have to hunt for truffles again.
     As legend would have it only the bravest or possibly foolish king of all the land could enter the sacred garden where the tree grew. So he set off but just before he left he gave his kingdom a much needed break. He told them there would be no mandatory truffle hunts and that as long as he was gone they could keep what they found for themselves.
     After a month of traveling the king came across an establishment by the name of "The Enchanted Tree". He thought for a moment and decided to check it out anyway because he was famished.
     "Hello there." Said the king, "I've been on a journey looking for a magical tree but I need to rest and enjoy some of your fine food if you don't mind."
     "Certainly," replied a rather shady looking barmaid, "We have a delicious shepherd's pie."
     "Sounds delicious I'll have that but do you have any truffles?" replied the king.
     "Just one left but you'll regret eating it if I give it to you."
     "Truffles are my life miss I never regret a truffle."
     "As you wish."
     A few minutes later she brings the food and the truffle. As soon as the king sees the truffle his mouth begins to water. It's the most beautiful truffle he has ever seen. He can even taste the sweet aroma in the air. When it finally arrives at his table he doesn't hesitate to taste it.
     "YUM!" The king says enthusiastically. "This is the best truffle I have ever tasted in all of my days. It must be from the enchanted tree."
     A man across the room gives him a funny look as if he had something stuck to his face.
     "Of course it is." Replied the barmaid,"This is the enchanted tree."
     "No I mean the tree of legend. It is said to have the biggest tastiest truffles in all the land and it's also said to have more truffles than all the trees in all other kingdoms combined. I would never have to search for truffles again."
     With each bite of the truffle the king takes the man's look gets stranger and stranger.
     "This was the tree you sought dear king of this I can assure but each may only take but one which you have now devoured."Says the barmaid in rhythm. "Your greed and gut have brought you far but now you must return for if your kingdom waits much more I'm sure that it will burn"
     The place erupts in song as the king finished his meal but only now he notices a rather peculiar change. Where his hands once were there are now hooves and his nose was flat as well. He tried to speak but could only squeak so his voice could not be heard.
     The kingdom awaited their king's return but a king did not return. There was only a pig wearing the crown that showed up on the farm. They took it as a sign for they did not really know the pig that hated truffles was their one and only king.

Tim In a Bottle

         Hey everyone. I'm Tim. Of course you probably knew that already considering my blog name. Nevertheless I've devoted this blog entirely to creative randomness. What is creative randomness you ask? Well stick around and find out. Basically this is where I come to when I feel like being creative. It's not just something that I want to do just to do it. I want you guys to enjoy it too so please leave comments and if you feel like it follow me so you'll know when the next random creation comes out.          
         Anyway I'll tell you the story of how this blog got it's name. Back in high school in County High Singers. I had a thing called 'Tim words'. Where I would write a random word with Tim in it of course like, Verbatim or intimidate. Anyway later in the year one of the songs we were going to sing was "Time In a Bottle". My classmates started calling it "Tim In a Bottle" So when I was trying to think of a good pen name it crossed my mind.
         Well my creativity failed me on a good pen name but hey I like the blog name because that's pretty much what it is. It's pure unadulterated Tim randomness. Me... in a bottle. Besides that I am the self proclaimed king of random.
        Anyway if you want advice for being random I'm your guy. Can't think of anything to say? Make something up! That's what I do. No no no I don't mean lie I just mean think of something completely off the wall. The first thing that pops in your head. Yea that's it. Chocolate skittles. Doesn't sound all that tasty to me but completely random. Congratulations on your first random nonsensical comment.         
        Alright I'm gonna get off here for a while but I'll be back soon. I know you can't wait for your next dose of complete randomness so I'll blog again soon. Perhaps it will be a story of complete randomness that makes no sense but is still fun to read. Who knows? Maybe a story about aliens that look like orange pineapples.